Recently, my
husband reminded me to “shrink your world.” It came out of love after a
hassle-filled, anxiety-riddled week.
At first, I
was a little annoyed by the comment. How/Why should I shrink my world, even if
I’m going crazy? I can do it all! Then I realized he was right. What I needed
to do was let go of (or surrender) “that which no longer serves.”
Lately I’d
been pulled in so many different directions that the stress and strain of
dealing with everything (and everyone) was knocking me off-center. I was trying
to juggle my writing life, home life, social life, and so many pieces of other
“lives” that I was overwhelmed.
It was time
to stop and reevaluate.
“That which
no longer serves” can apply to almost anything that is not making you happy or
not adding value to your life. Shedding (or leaving behind) worn out
relationships, other peoples’ expectations, self-imposed responsibilities, and
physical objects can feel as refreshing as taking off a stifling coat on a hot
day.
After some
introspection, I noticed I was acting as a coordinator on several social
fronts—constantly making plans (or trying to) with friends and relatives to get
together and hang out, schedule visits, have lunch etc. Ninety-eight percent of
the time I was the one doing the asking and “chasing” people to make plans.
Usually the answers I got were: “I’ll let you know” or “I’m really busy now.”
I understand
that people are busy, but if you don’t invest a little time into cultivating a
friendship or other social relationship, what’s the point? So I invoked the
“three times” rule: I’d ask the person to hang out three times over a few
months, and if nothing happened, I’d get the hint and stop asking. I’d let it
go with a final, “when you’re ready to hang out, let me know” and leave the
ball in their court.
Not chasing
people has been liberating. I’m okay with letting them contact me when and if
they choose. And while they’re deciding, I’m hanging out with people who
actually commit to plans.
On the
writing front, I had just published my 24th romance novel and was undertaking a
flurry of book promotions and blogs, maintaining my website, updating and
sharing posts on social media… Bleh! After a while I felt like a hamster
running on a wheel. And the energy and effort I put out wasn’t reaping me any
rewards.
One day I
took a long, hard look at my writing world. I streamlined and dropped two
Facebook pages (they were constantly filled with spam anyway), refreshed my
blogs and site, and let go of the self-imposed “need” to post/share as often.
Did anyone
notice? Nope. That’s when I reached a breakthrough. Surrendering (or shrinking
my world) was kinda like taking a few items out of a washing machine or a
dishwasher that is already filled to capacity and packed to the breaking point.
Too much “stuff” crammed into a space (or too many self-imposed “must do”
chores) can cause overload and lead to a breakdown.
On the home
front, I’ve been purging physical objects. “Treasures” I inherited from
relatives or friends because they didn’t want them, books, clothes,
decorations, and items I was saving because “I might need it one day” can all
go. The less stuff you have to maintain, clean, move, or store, the easier/less
complicated your life will be. Keep the best—get rid of the rest.
Now that I
don’t waste energy on “that which no longer serves” I can focus my attention
elsewhere. I’m going through the books on my “to be read” list, catching up on
movies and shows I’ve always wanted to see, and exploring new hobbies and
crafts. And when spring planting season starts I’ll have more time for
gardening and being outside in nature.
Shrinking my
world hasn’t limited me; it’s let me focus on the people and the activities
that truly matter most to me. And that helps me live the best life possible.
Until next
time,
Kelli
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR
Kelli A.
Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories,
20+ romance novels, and 8 mystery/horror ebooks. Her romances span many genres
and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror and mystery
stories.
Her latest
release, For Love’s Sake, an epic historical/fantasy romantic adventure, was
published in January 2025.
In August
2024, she released Surreal Escapes, a collection of 7 speculative/spooky
stories. Anything can—and does—happen in this anthology.
Kelli also
released her fourth gay romance, A Thousand Summer Secrets, in 2024. This
tender contemporary romance takes place over a summer weekend, where two
friends reconnect while seeking love and acceptance.
She published
The Route 9 Killer, a mystery/thriller set in Central NJ, in 2023.
Follow Kelli on her Facebook author page: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorKelliWilkins
and
visit her website www.KelliWilkins.com for a full title list and social
media links.
